Explainin' Bae, as beatboxed by GANGSTA!
by Retronym
Summary: Perhaps Gizoogle should not have been introduced to me. It's my one shot Explaining Bae...but gangsta edition. "I just wanna know...what's a funky-ass bae?" (Rated for strong language and intense awesomeness concentration. 420/10, m8)


**This was an idea given to me by another fic that was sent through Gizoogle, and of course I had to try it out for myself. So I took one of my more popular stories and tranzizzled that shiznit, and deemed it fabulous enough to upload. Tbh the whole conversation between Ness and Yoshi at the beginning pretty much made this for me because it's so fricking funny to imagine. Maybe I'll actually upload some real writing soon, sorry. But for now, prepare to have your mind exploded by the gangsta edge of Explainin' Bae...GANGSTA TRIPPIN'!**

"Incoming!"

Da couch cushion flew down tha stairs, bumpily bustin a funky-ass beeline fo' tha foyer below. Yoshi, whoz ass had been casually struttin down tha stairs, yelped n' leapt down tha remainin steps up in a tumble as tha cushion barreled down shortly behind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dat shiznit was ridden by none other than Ness n' Toon Link, both yellin happily as they cleared tha stairs n' slid on tha floor of tha hallway. They gots straight-up far afta tha steps. Too far, actually.

Da pillow slammed tha fuck into tha far wall, bustin tha two thugs flyin against tha wall. They slid ta tha floor up in a heap of limbs.

"Ow," muttered Ness. "Inertia hurts."

"That was fun!" declared TL, gettin ta his Nikes.

"Why'd you do that?" axed Yoshi, whoz ass was pickin his dirty ass up as well, still lookin slightly shocked all up in tha sudden projectile dat had knocked his ass off tha stairs. "And how tha fuck do you know what tha fuck inertia is?"

"Well," replied Ness, "To answer yo' first question, we was bugged out n' TL felt like sleddin yo, but it's springtime biaaatch! So our laid-back asses just had ta make do fo' realz. And I hustled bout inertia a cold-ass lil couple months ago from Pit. My fuckin vocabulary grows all tha time."

Yoshi looked curious. "And how tha fuck did Pit know what tha fuck inertia was?"

"Yo ass mean tha word, or tha actual thang, biatch? 'Cause I'm pretty shizzle he hustled it existed dat time da thug was flyin n' smacked tha fuck into a tree."

"Hey," holla'd TL. "I just remembered dat I gots a match in, like, ten minutes muthafucka! I gotta go."

"Aww, what tha fuck is I goin ta do?" complained Ness. "Lucas is up in tha same match, n' slidin down tha stairs ridin' solo is boring."

"Sorry," holla'd TL regretfully, n' da ruffneck departed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. Ness turned ta Yoshi.

"Uh…no fuck you," holla'd Yoshi, wavin his hands. "Last time I did that, we ran tha fuck into Samus n' bowled her over n' shit. Not goin ta git a repeat of dat explosion. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I be thinkin Pit's still gots tha mark fo' realz. Anyways, peep you…"

Ness wandered aimlessly down ta tha lobby, not shizzle what tha fuck ta do. Perhaps he'd go tha fuck into tha kitchen n' git a snack fo' realz. As he passed tha lounge, he almost ran tha fuck into Ike, whoz ass was exitin tha room.

"Has you done peeped Marth?" Ike axed his muthafuckin ass. Ness shook his head, n' Ike continued off. Ness heard tha others up in tha lounge snickering.

"Wonder what tha fuck Ike wants," commented Falco snidely.

"Psh. Marth is straight-up Ike's bae," holla'd Captain Falcon, n' tha playas up in tha room snorted n' laughed.

Bae, biatch? What's a funky-ass bae, biatch? Ness figured they didn't mean tha body of gin n juice n' shit. What was so funky bout it?

Dude continued toward tha kitchen ta git his snack yo, but da thug was still curious bout dis usual word. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude had ta ask one of mah thugs. In tha kitchen, his schmoooove ass came across Lucario, whoz ass was lookin up in tha refrigerator.

"Yo Lucario!" da perved-out muthafucka holla'd.

"Yo kid," tha Pokemon replied. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "What's up?"

"Not much," holla'd Ness. "But I gots a question."

Lucario huffed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "I swear, if you ask me one mo' time bout if Sheik's a muthafucka or a girl-"

"Fuck dat shit, it's not bout that!" assured Ness. "I just wanna know…what's a funky-ass bae?"

Lucario looked at his ass strangely. "Uh, a funky-ass body of water?"

"Fuck dat shit, like a thug bein a funky-ass bae. What tha fuck iz it?"

Lucario looked slightly incredulous again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "Where'd you hear that?"

"Da muthafuckas up in tha lounge holla'd dat shit. What, is it bad?"

Lucario paused fo' a moment as a scam popped tha fuck into his head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! A devious smile spread across his wild lil' face, unnoticed by tha PSI user up in tha doorway. "Fuck dat shit, not at all. It's just a mo' advanced word, I guess. It's just a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shnazzy way ta say dopest playa, like, a straight-up, straight-up phat playa."

"Oh!" holla'd Ness. That made sense. Ike n' Marth was indeed straight-up phat playas. But why was it so funky ta tha others, biatch? Dat shiznit was like they was clownin or something. Did Ike git up in a funky-ass big-ass fight wit Marth, n' Captain Falcon was bein sarcastic, biatch? Ness was curious again.

"Okay, props!" Ness left, n' Lucario moonwalked back ta tha fridge wit a grin.

It didn't take straight-up long fo' Ness ta run tha fuck into Ike again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da swordsman was clearly still lookin fo' Marth, wanderin all up in tha halls n' lookin tha fuck into rooms.

"Hey," holla'd Ness. "Is you still lookin fo' Marth?"

"Yeah," holla'd Ike, lookin slightly frustrated. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. "Why, have you peeped him?"

"No," admitted Ness. "Is you mad at him?"

"No," holla'd Ike. "Why would I be?"

"Well," holla'd Ness, slightly skeptical of Ike's response, "Dat shiznit was just dat tha other muthafuckas up in tha lounge was rappin' bout you muthafuckas, n' they thought suttin' was straight-up funky."

"What was they saying?" axed Ike sharply, apparently confused.

"Well, I dunno why dat shiznit was so funky, Captain Falcon just holla'd dat Marth was yo' bae…"

There was a funky-ass brief, tense silence. "What?" holla'd Ike up in a thugged-out dangerously on tha down-low voice.

"Uh, da perved-out muthafucka holla'd Marth was yo' bae…" Ike's expression was freakin his ass up a lil bit. Ness edged back. Why was da perved-out muthafucka so mad salty, biatch? "What's tha matter?"

Ike simply unsheathed his sword n' fuckin started down tha hallway, shouting, "Okay, that's dat shiznit son! This is tha last time biaaatch! Some Muthafucka is goin ta die!" Dude soon disappeared from sight, leavin Ness rather bemused. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude shizzle hoped dat Ike wouldn't bust a cap up in Marth, fo' signs was still pointin toward tha theory dat Ike n' Marth was supa mad at each other n' shit. Why else would Ike be all kindsa mad salty bout one of mah thugs callin Marth his wild lil' playa?

Dude soon realized dat dat schmoooove muthafucka had forgotten ta git his snack, n' moonwalked back ta tha kitchen ta git suttin' ta smoke yo. Dude was goin ta make his dirty ass some toast n' put Nutella or suttin' on it yo, but dem he remembered dat da thug was temporarily banned from rockin tha freshly smoked up toasta n' shit. Psh, dat last one was just a accident. No one gots hurt or anything! Da thang was supa old. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! We probably would have burned it soon anyway yo. Dude instead expertly made his dirty ass some macaroni n' cheese n' you can put dat on yo' toast fo' realz. Afta finishin it, da ruffneck decided ta return ta his bangin room until one of his wild lil' playaz was available ta do something.

As he ascended tha building, he passed Mario, Zelda, n' Robin conversin up in tha hall.

"…tryin ta calm Ike down a funky-ass bit," Mario was saying. "He's already knocked Snake up cold n' whacked Falco a funky-ass bunch wit a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shovel. I'm pretty shizzle he's currently chasin Captain Falcon round tha building, so Luigi n' Marth is tryin ta find him-"

Just then, Captain Falcon raced by tha group, nearly knockin Ness over n' shiznit yo. Dude was shortly followed by Ike, whoz ass was brandishin his sword wildly n' screaming, "FRIENDS, YOU *&%$&# $%! WE ARE FRIENDS! YA HEAR ME?!"

As they barreled down tha stairs, Luigi n' Marth jogged over, panting. They halted beside tha crew up in tha hall.

"Ugh," holla'd Luigi. "This aint working."

"What's da perved-out muthafucka so crazed about?" axed Robin, his wild lil' fuckin eyes wide.

"Not straight-up sure," gasped Marth. "He's just beatboxin suttin' bout playaz n' tha last straw…"

"Well, we'd betta git some medicinal supplies locked n loaded up in tha infirmary," sighed Zelda.

A brief silence followed, up in which Mario noticed Ness's presence. "Yea muthafucka, Ness. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Strange stuff, huh?"

"Hey," holla'd Ness wit a lil' small-ass wave yo. Dude wasn't straight-up shizzle what tha fuck on earth was goin on, or how tha fuck exactly he played tha fuck into it, so da ruffneck decided just not ta ask bout dat shit. Just tha aiiight wacky shiznit dat happened up in tha Supa Smash Bros. residence. Instead, he inquired, "Is Lucas done his crazy-ass match?"

Zelda looked confused, thankin dat they was still on tha topic of Ike's madness. "Why do you wanna know?"

Ness looked at her strangely. Duh, why do you think, biatch? "Well, I mean, I just wanna know. Lucas is mah bae."

A simultaneous shout went up from tha others. "WHAT?!"

Somewhere, far up in tha distance, tha fangirls shriek.

 **"Duh, why you think, biatch?" Lord Ness, that's quite rude of you.**


End file.
